Thought of the Day

Let’s just say that having three bean chili at lunch can make for a horribly uncomfortable afternoon when you work in a cubicle environment.

Detroit is America’s Most Miserable City

Well, duh.  I could have told you that.  There is nothing like living in Detroit for 4 years to teach you how truly amazing the West is.

Article excerpt:

“Imagine living in a city with the country’s highest violent-crime rate and second-highest unemployment rate. As an added kicker, you need more Superfund dollars allocated to your city to clean up toxic-waste sites than just about any other metropolitan area.

Unfortunately, this nightmare is a reality for the residents of Detroit. The Motor City grabs the top spot on Forbes’ inaugural list of America’s Most Miserable Cities.”

And they didn’t even talk about the horrible weather!

Where Is My Dozer?

Another fun link from my class this week.  Enjoy.

Valentine’s Day Blubber

I’ve spent this week in a Problem Solving/Decision making class in the Bay Area.  We just watched this video in class as an example of poor decision making.  Quite the romantic way to spend Valentine’s Day, I must say.  The video is hilarious — what do do with a dead whale?

Santa’s Retweet Anyone?

I had to come back to work so that I could get some rest, as I have been a regular Suzy Homemaker this weekend.  This weekend, I:

• Did 7 loads of laundry
• Grocery shopping
• Baked 2 loaves of pumpkin bread
• Baked 2 loaves of cranberry bread
• Baked 1 batch of chocolate chip cookies
• Whipped up a batch of fudge
• Made two dinners last night – chili for us and chicken nuggets (from scratch with broccoli puree) for Little Miss, which she outright REFUSED to eat.  Grrrr…

Need I say that the house smells divine?!

On Saturday night, we went to JB’s company party, where the ‘entertainment’ was a White Elephant gift exchange.  I am not a fan of these exchanges, as you always seem to come home with something you don’t want, and Saturday night was no exception.  But the way it went down was humorous.

JB decided to buy a nice $20 bottle of wine for the exchange, as the limit was $20.  He then decided that his goal was to get his own gift back in the exchange.  It got picked, and he enacted the ‘stealing’ rule, and went over and stole it back from someone.  I was laughing so hard at him.  And then he decided to be all coy and placed the bottle of wine behind his chair on the floor.  You could tell he thought he was scott free.

Until about 20 minutes later, when this woman sniffed out the bottle of wine like a blood hound and stole it right out from under him.  So JB went up to pick out an unopened gift, and took an inordinate amount of time shaking different packages, trying to find one with alcohol.

And what he ended up with was a frufy ceramic Santa cookie jar, aptly branded ‘Santa’s Retweet’.

I almost fell out of my chair when he opened that, as it was really funny to see the man lose a good bottle of wine for a ceramic cookie jar.  We spent the rest of the night trying to convince people to swap gifts with us, but everyone just laughed.  We came home with that darn cookie jar.

I told JB that I could take it to my work and put it in the common room with a sign that says ‘free to a good home’, but he grumpily said that he will save it to re-gift next year.  But he was really peeved that he ‘has to waste garage space’ on that ceramic Santa.

The plan was foiled, but it sure gave me a lot of enjoyment to watch — it was like someone was taking candy from a toddler.

Just Wait Until JB Finds Out

I blame it on my co-workers who told me ghost stories yesterday.

I’ve mentioned on this site before how I have lucid dreams occasionally, where my dreams are so real that they invoke me to take physical action, usually including screaming and leaping out of bed in the middle of the night.

JB was away on an overnight business trip last night, at at about 2am, I distinctly thought someone was standing in my bedroom, so I yelled at the top of my lungs and threw my pillow with all of my might.

That is when I heard a crash.  I somehow managed to hit the lamp on my night stand, and it fell to the ground, shattering into many pieces.  I had no idea what the crash was, but once I turned on the light and saw the carnage, all I could think was, “JB is going to have a field day with this.”

And then I couldn’t get back to sleep because I was so bugged that I now need to add buying a new lamp to my never ending list of to-dos. 

Remarkably, I somehow didn’t manage to wake the toddler sleeping in the next room.

Influential Women In History

I’m on a roll here, confessing little gems about my past.  Here is another one that sticks out in my memory…  When I was in high school, my honors English teacher assigned us to do an essay on an influential woman in history.  We had to submit our subjects to her in advance for approval.

The influential woman I initially chose?  Marilyn Monroe.

And yes, I was denied.  So then I think I came up with Pocahontas.  Which, OK, yeah, she helped the white settlers with their relations with the local Indians/Native Americans, but that was the best I could come up with?!

My original submission just cracks me up.  It would be like my daughter wanting to write an essay on Anna Nicole Smith.  Yes, both are highly publicized, but influential so that they should be held in high regard?  Not so much.

So do any of you have good gems from your past you want to share in the comments?  You can do so anonymously, you know…

The Kicker

Just to finish off my thoughts on yesterday’s post, one last embarrassing tidbit…  So when I was in college, studying Marketing and dreaming of being like the ad execs on Melrose Place, I also intended to buy my entire professional wardrobe of suits from Victoria’s Secret.

Ha!  I think I just wanted to be a sexy little business woman.  Luckily, Mom swooped in to save the day yet again and helped me select an appropriate wardrobe in which to start my career at General Motors, where my expectations were put in check almost immediately.  Can I tell you how BAD it would have been for me to show up at GM world headquarters, the conservative capitol of the country, in a saucy little Victoria’s Secret get-up?!

Hello, I’m Amanda

Ah, geesh.  I’m having some troubles coming up with anything of interest to say on this site lately.  Sometimes life is just routine, and it’s hard to come up with anything truly worthy of posting.

So I thought I’d post a few embarrassing little tidbits about myself.  I was thinking lately about how skewed my impressions of the “Real World” (i.e. the working world) were when I was younger.

For instance, when I was in middle school, my Mom insisted that I take a typing class.   I remember getting all offended by this, telling her pompously, “I do not intend to be a secretary, so I don’t need to take a typing class.”

I can’t tell you how much I laugh at that now looking back.  Ever since graduating from college, I have been practically strapped to a computer for at least 40 hours a week.  And by the way, I’m damn good at typing.

So then there was this time in college when my computer did something wonky (word of the week, y’all), which was probably user error, but I THREW the keyboard across the room, and proclaimed that I hated computers and was proud to be computer illiterate.

Yes, I did that in front of my roommate and good friend, A.  Good thing I got over my aversion to computers, because if I hadn’t, I might have ended up being one of the girls that holds road signs at construction sites.  (Not that that is a BAD thing, just not my gig!)  Ha!  And to think I now work in high tech for a software company!

I also recall that one of my reasons for choosing to be a Marketing major was because I didn’t want to spend a lot of time on computers.  Oh, and because I didn’t like math.

And now for the kicker, which is more embarrassing because it was when I was in college…  I remember back when I chose Marketing as a major.  I just loved my advertising classes, and truly pictured my career to be like those of the characters on (drumroll please) Melrose Place.  I even recall thinking that I wanted to be a powerful business woman just like the character Amanda (played by Heather Locklear).

Seriously.  If I could only go back and level-set my past self.  I never pictured myself sitting in front of a computer in a cubicle, doing a lot of number crunching throughout my day.  I mean Marketing has budgets and cost reduction and customer stats…  All math…  I really think I thought I’d be sitting in a big office dreaming up funny ads and commercials.

And though my job is pretty cool, it’s not nearly as – dare I say it – ‘sexy’ as I had once imagined. 

So there you have it.  Mom was right.  And I hope to encourage my own daughter to be a bit more educated on her career choices by doing some internships and job shadowing.  You better believe she’ll be participating in Bring Your Daughter To Work Day (a brilliant program started about 15 years ago).

Ah, man, I’m still chuckling at my former ignorence.  Hope you enjoyed a good laugh at my expense!

Quote of the Day

Yesterday after work, I picked up Little Miss and headed to the grocery store.  She was tired and cranky, and kept signing for milk.  Of course, I didn’t have any milk.  We also didn’t have any food for dinner, so I was wanting to get in and out of the grocery store fast.

I picked up a few items, and Little Miss started having a melt down, so I left without getting food for dinner.  On my way home, I called JB and said, “I went to the grocery store to pick up something for dinner, but they didn’t have any food.”

I didn’t even realize what I had said until JB repeated back to me, “they didn’t have any food?”

Shows how frazzled a screaming toddler can make a person.

Hey, Look!

I can’t believe I’m about to admit this.

Last night, JB stayed up late, so I put in ear plugs so that I wouldn’t wake up when he came in to get ready for bed. One of my earplugs fell out in the middle of the night.

And I had a dream that I found a marshmellow. I remember saying in my dream, “hey, look — a marshmellow!”

I then put said marshmellow in my mouth.

That’s when I woke up and realized I had an ear plug in my mouth.

BLEK!

Where is Crack Head?

One of the best parts about visiting Little Miss’s grandparents are the great Retro toys from our childhood.

While at JB’s parents over Christmas, Little Miss played with the classic Fischer Price figurines that were round with no arms. We had a good laugh about the one with a pot on his head, so named “Pot Head” by JB and his siblings.

It really cracked me up that someone at Fischer Price back in the 70s thought to include Pot Head in the repertoire of armless figurines. It was like an inside joke with all of the parents. Here is a pic of Pot Head:

Beware of High Heels!

There is a sign in the stairwell of my old office building that says “Beware of high heels in the stairway!”, and it has an image of a high heel shoe with lines around it making it look very hazardous.

I wish I had taken a picture of it. Anyway, that just made me chuckle every time I walked past it. Afterall, high heels truly are evil and hazardous, especially in the workplace and in stairwells.

Personality Test

The bathroom stalls at my office each have six toilet paper dispensers filled with toilet paper. Each roll has been used a different amount. I sat there thinking they should do a study on which roll you choose and what that says about your personality.

The New White Russian

On Saturday night, JB decided to relax with a White Russian before going to bed. He poured the vodka and Kaluah into his glass, and then went to the fridge for milk when he discovered we were out.

Almost at the same time, we both said, “there’s formula”.

I was being sarcastic.

Evidently, he wasn’t. I had my back to him, but next thing I knew, I heard a big, “BLECK” as he spit out a mouthful of his drink into the sink.

That’s right, the man used formula to mix up his drink. I laughed so hard at that one.

“Haven’t you ever tasted formula?! Don’t you know it’s nasty?” I asked between hoots.

He’s always good for a few laughs.

And yes, I got milk at the store the next day.

There’s Something About Mary

I was sitting in a meeting with one of the higher-ups today, and noticed that he kept looking at my hair.

I was getting really annoyed, willing him to LOOK ME IN THE EYE, DAMNIT, instead of looking at my hair.

I wrote it off to him not being able to concentrate until I saw myself in the mirror. Evidently, this new curl “serum” I’ve been using had globbed up right by my temple, and left a lovely white smudge.

Totally ala “There’s Something About Mary”.

So now I understand why he couldn’t stop looking at my hair, and I’m swearing off that new product, “Curls Rock” because it totally doesn’t rock.

Join Me In Some Chair Aerobics

I just got a link exchange request from an Aerobics site. I thought it was just run-of-the-mill spam until I saw that they said they put a link to my site on their Chair Aerobics page.

Chair Aerobics.

I’m so not kidding.

And then, I clicked on the link, and there is Rebellin – a site that has never mentioned Chair Aerobics until today.

I think I must go do some Chair Aerobics now.

Quote of the Day

Last night, as we were about to go to sleep, we had this conversation.

LB: Today on Oprah, she said that you should tell your loved one something you appreciate about them every day, and it should be something different every day.
JB: *grunt*
LB: I appreciate how you came home and spent a lot of quality time with Madelynn, and how you changed her diapers and fed her tonight. OK, now your turn.
JB: I appreciate that you don’t watch Oprah when I’m home.

What can I say — the man has a way with words!

Conversation Exerpt

JB: You know how to make fudge? (as he pulls a Tupperware container full of fudge out of the fridge)
LB: I’ve made you fudge every Christmas I’ve known you!
JB: Really?! Is this whole wheat fudge?
LB: *laughing* No, there isn’t any flour in fudge.
JB: But it’s brown…
LB: *thinking that I really hope he’s joking about that comment*

I didn’t have the heart to tell him all of the unhealthy ingredients that go into fudge, as I usually make his treats as healthy as possible. But you just can’t do that with fudge. Fudge must be sinfully good, and I think I succeeded with this batch.

Ah, Memories

Thanks to Karen, who e-mailed me to remind me how we used to shoe polish “For Sale” on random cars, giving them absolutely ridiculous price tags… For instance, we’d find a super expensive car, and say, “For Sale, $700” on it.

I had totally forgotton about that evil ploy from my teen years. I guess if that’s among the worst of what I was doing back then, I was doing pretty good!

Sorry, Mom

I got a very angry sounding answering machine message from my mother this weekend. It went something like this:

“Miss Lynnette. I think you owe me an apology. I am reading a New Mexico magazine right now, and there is an ad for MINI MAIDS, M-I-N-I.”

I looked it up today. By golly, she’s right.

So, what I thought was a Freudian slip on my Mom’s behalf, was really a name of a company.

Who would name a company Mini-Maids anyway? Are there height requirements for employment? And what is the benefit of having a Mini maid versus any other type of maid? I would think they’d have trouble reaching things!

Broken Promises

I just can’t resist poking fun at Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes one last time…

Remember how she publically proclaimed that she was going to remain a virgin until she was married?

I initially thought that was the reason behind the rushed proposal/marriage plans, because, come on, Tom Cruise is 42 and was married for 10 years… He’s used to getting a little something something.

Evidently, good old Tom wore her down. TomKat is having a TomKitten.

*shivering from disgust*

This Grosses me Out

Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes are expecting.

That seriously gives me the willies.

She better hope she doesn’t get postpartum depression!

The Happy Midgets

After we moved out of our old house, we decided to have maids come in to do the move-out cleaning. This decision was made for two reasons:

1. We had enough work on our plate with the move.
2. I’m not supposed to be around a lot of cleaning chemicals in my delicate condition.

I hired Merry Maids. However, every time my mother and I discussed when the maids were coming or what they were going to do, she’d refer to them as the Mini Maids.

This really cracked me up. I kept telling her, “They’re happy, Mom, not midgets.”

And though I’d correct her on this, later in the conversation, she’d be back to calling them Mini Maids.

I’m sorry, Mom, but I had to post this. It makes me smile every time I picture a crew of little people cleaning my house!

Get Some Balls!

While at the gym today, I became annoyed at the dwindling supply of exercise balls. My trainer gave me all kinds of good core exercises to do on the exercise balls, but lately it is getting more and more challenging to get my hands on one of them. Plus, the only exercise balls that are available right now are for short people.

Despite what my husband might say, I am not short.

So I went up to the gym manager today, and just barely stopped myself before saying to him, “When are you going to get some more balls?”

It was right before that sentence was about to come out of my mouth that I realized how bad it could sound. So, I carefully reworded it to say, “When are you going to get more EXERCISE BALLS?”

Oh, and the woman that calls me Lindsay at the gym was there today, and at one point, she said, “that was impressive.” I didn’t really react because I didn’t think she was talking to me. But a few minutes later, she said again, “that was impressive.”

“Oh, sorry, I didn’t know you were talking to me.” I said.

“Well, your name IS LINDSAY!” Evidently she had said “that was impressive, Lindsay.”

Why, oh why have I not had the heart to correct this woman? I have no clue what her name is, but she seems to pride herself on remembering my name, despite the fact she gets it wrong!

Note: Are you wondering what I did that was impressive? I was doing chest presses while on the exercise ball, like this: