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Fun With An Elf

14 Dec

My mom purchased The Elf on the Shelf for us four years ago. For the first several years, I dutifully moved the elf every night, and it was pretty fun.

But this year, I started seeing fun ideas online, and I have really stepped up the mischief that our elf pulls. Here are a few shots of the hilarity, including painting the bathroom mirror, and the kids noses, and then being found with a paintbrush, hanging underwear and diapers on the tree, fishing for Goldfish crackers in the toilet, and drawing funny faces on a family portrait. Our elf even brought them Christmas pjs to wear on our Polar Express train ride.

One Sunday, I overheard Little Miss begging Bethaniel to play hide and go seek with her.  I told her that perhaps if she went to count in her room while he hid, he would play, as he didn’t want her to see him move.  I kept that girl busy for well over an hour playing hide and seek with her elf.  It was hard to keep a straight face, but she was really good at finding all of the funny places I hid that doll.

Wondering what I can do that will top all of this…  I’ll be using sites like this for ideas.  Bwahahahahaha…..

Out of the Mouth of Babes

11 Jan

At dinner tonight, we were asking Little Miss questions.  The answers were so funny, I had to document.

  1. Where do babies come from?  In the belly.  I know that question very well, thank you.  They come from God.  You guys make an egg and then the baby goes inside into the belly. 
  2. What are you going to be when you grow up?  I’m going to be somebody that is on stage.  I’m going to do ballet.  Did you know Spiderman is real?  So he’s working on stage right now, and he doesn’t have a costume on.    
  3. Where do lions live, and what do they eat?  Why are they called the king of the jungle? So they live in the jungle.  I don’t know what they eat, but I think they get lost so people find them and put them in a zoo.  They are called the king of the jungle because they’re really big and strong.
  4. Who is the smartest person you know?  Barack Obama. 
  5. What is truth?  So truth is if you lie…  If one hand makes the L, the other makes the wrong.   That means the other one is right. (In other words, she confused left and right with truth and lies.)
  6. Do two wrongs make a right?  No, so one wrong and one right makes right.  If someone does something mean and the other one does it to the other one, that’s not fair.  And nobody tells, they’re going to have to go home. 
  7. What is a princess?  Well they’re not real.  They’re just on TV.  But Belle is. Spiderman is.  Belle is because Kacey said Belle came to Jordyn’s party.  So if someone has beautiful clothes, but don’t act beautiful, they’re not beautiful. 
  8. What kind of man will you marry?  A man with a beard.  A white beard.  He’s going to drive a motorcycle. 
  9. What is the internet?  So the internet is where you write down stuff and then it sends it to other people that you’re writing to.
  10. Why is the sky blue?  Because God doesn’t just want to make it white.  There has to be just two colors in between white, so God decided to make it blue.
  11. Tell me about boys.  So if girls have penises, and boys have vaginas, so boys call girls boys and girls call boys girls because it’s a lot more different.
  12. Why do girls wear dresses?  Because so if boys wore dresses it would be funny and every girl is going to laugh at them.  Boys don’t like dresses and whenever you try to put them on, they’ll say, “no”.
  13. What does Mommy do for work?  So she pays money to give to the poor children so that she doesn’t be poor.
  14. What does Daddy do for work?  He pays money just like you not to be poor and give money to other poor kids just like you are. 
  15. How old  is Grandma?  Um, that’s a hard one.
  16. What happens when you die?  You just are really still and you never move.  You can’t see, and you’re really still like this.  If you are mean, you’ll go to Hell, if you’ve been nice your whole life, you’ll go to Heaven.
  17. What happens in Heaven?  So if you go to Hell, you eat yucky stuff, and in Heaven you eat good stuff like bread.  Bread is hard in Hell, and it’s good in Heaven. 
  18. What is your life going to be like in 20 years?  So in 20 years, if I’m old, I die a little bit older.  You don’t know this…  You don’t want to be fat because if you’re fat, your life won’t be that long, it will be short.
  19. But what is YOUR life going to be like?  I might be like Claire (her aunt).  I might be like Papa.  To be like Papa, I would sleep really late. 
  20. Would you stay in the bathroom a long time like Papa?  Well if you poop by yourself and you don’t even wipe every day, your bottom will turn so red you won’t even want to walk. 
  21. What causes stinky bottoms?  Um so (said while cleaning toe jam) if you don’t wipe, your bottom will get red and store and it smells stinky.
  22. What happens when you flush the toilet?  So nothing stinks and if you wipe, nothing is going to go on.  So they get the poop in the pipes and smash it up and then they make it disappear and then they make the dirty water goes into the sea. 
  23. What does the president of the United States do?  If it was the Queen, it would go on trips and have everyone do what they wanted.  But if it was the President, he would talk or sing or be on stage. 
  24. What is the best part about skiing?  So I like when I turn and sometimes I jump a little bit. (I guarantee this kid is not jumping on her skis.)

Ariel’s Twin Sister

1 Jul

If you can’t have a bit of fun with your kids, then what point is parenthood?  An excerpt from a family conversation this morning…

Little Miss:  (holding up two Ariel dolls)  This is Ariel, and her twin sister

JB:  Oh, is her name Areola?

Little Miss:  No.  Mom, do you think that is a beautiful name?

Me:  Oh, yes.

Little Miss:  If you had another little girl, would you name her Areola?

Me:  Definitely

Meat Market

22 Jun

Recent conversation with a co-worker at a staff lunch:

Co-worker: I hear the Sparks Farmer’s Market is becoming more of a meat market!
Me: It’s always been a meat market! I met my husband there 6 years ago!

That sure got a reaction from my team!

Out of the Mouths of Babes

24 Apr

While visiting friends last weekend, their 4 year old daughter looked at my leg, pointed to the lovely pregnancy induced spider veins I’ve developed and said, “Look!  You have letters on your leg!”

That’s just GREAT.  Yet another attractive side effect to wear proudly.

What the heck is THAT?!

23 Apr

I’ve heard the talk on the local radio stations about the really strange mascott for Reno’s new AAA baseball team, the Reno Aces.  It’s a red furry thing, and I kept hearing about “the thing that came out of its mouth”, and didn’t think much of it until a friend sent me a picture.  Check it out:


NOW I see what all the fuss is about.  I was told that the tongue looks so gross that the mascott has now been forbidden to stick it out anymore.  I see why!!!

No one knows what this red fuzzy thing is, and people that asked him at the home opener got a retort of “what do you think I am?”  I don’t know, we could have had a card, a card dealer, an actual ace…  Many options, but red fuzzy thing with a phallic mouth?!  I don’t get it…

Leave it to the NMSU Aggie to Stir Up Controversy

16 Mar

My sister in-law sent me the below article this morning, which had me rolling.  All I have to say (besides I’m bummed my team is out of the WAC tournament now) is that the Utah bull is darn lucky Pistol Pete didn’t retaliate more.  When I was at NMSU, Pistol Pete got in big trouble for punching the UTEP Miner in the nose.  Ah, those were the days…  Back when Pistol Pete actually had a pistol in the official logo (they have replaced it with a lasso to be more PC).   At least the real live Pistol Pete still has his pistol!

Article souce:,148058&post_comment=1&success=1

A man never ever messes with another man’s mustache. That’s the unwritten code among men. It exists mostly because mustaches are rather gross and you don’t want to be touching those things, but also because the mustache is sacred. A man’s lip fur is his identity; the very essence of his soul.

Utah State’s mascot, Big Blue, broke that code last night in the semifinals of the WAC men’s basketball championship tournament.

During a timeout with 7 seconds left and New Mexico State leading 70-69, Utah State’s mascot, “Big Blue” the bull, confronted New Mexico State’s “Pistol Pete” cowboy mascot and ripped off his fake mustache.

The cowboy then chased the bull to halfcourt, jumped on his back and tried unsuccessfully to pull him to the floor.

“Pistol Pete” then started to try to choke his rival before retreating to his end of the court.

Several newspaper photographers covering the game said they heard a man in a Nevada shirt offer the Utah State mascot $100 to go grab the mustache.

The man confirmed to The Associated Press that was true and that he paid the mascot the $100, but declined to provide his name. He said he did not expect New Mexico State’s “Pistol Pete” to respond the way he did.

You know, if there’s $100 involved, and the mustache is fake … I say the code doesn’t apply here. Take the benjamin and snatch the faux flavor-savor.

Also, Utah State and New Mexico State are both known as the Aggies, and Utah State’s mascot is a big, furry blue bull, and New Mexico State’s mascot is a dude in a fake mustache. Bulls can’t grow mustaches, so I don’t think you can blame him for being a little jealous. If one Aggie can paste a mustache onto his grill, why can’t the other? Let’s not discriminate against bulls here.

Utah State won the game and advanced to the conference final. The whereabouts of the mustache are not known.